"You always commit suicide too late" - Emil Cioran

Death.

Much of my life has been surrounded by death. Not in a literal sense, that's reserved for a family of funeral home owners.

I spent many years depressed, angry, sad and constantly searching for different ways to change. None of them ever sticking.

The reason for this, I didn't fully understand until my 30's.

After I quit many of the substances that caused me to feel certain ways I realized death is transformation. Death is a term we humans use to symbolize the unknown. And so far as I can tell, many of us don't like the unknown, we fear the unknown more than we fear death itself. We will work ourselves "to death" doing something for someone else because we're too afraid to take the chance. We're too afraid of the magic carpet ride causing more problems than its worth.

Life is one step at a time. Yes you open both eyes at the same time when you wake up, HOWEVER, you cannot walk without moving one step at a time. Remember this!

Death is not the grim reaper, although the grim reaper signifies the end of time creeping around you at all times, ready to collect your bargaining chips at any moment. In my belief, it is not the end of time, it is just another beginning. Death is a means to an end for one single organism/action/thought/belief alone, but it's not a finite thing, it cannot be. For when a creature dies it gives life to so many other things. One dead creature can feed hundreds, if not thousands of other creatures. One dead thought/action/belief can create an entire ecosystem of new and exciting change and opportunity. The symbiosis between life and death is understated and underrated.

I can't believe that we just one day stop existing. If energy cannot be created nor destroyed, then where does the energy go when we die? Convert this to thoughts and energy within your human psyche and consciousness.

I remember flying over Iceland looking down and thinking "If I died right now, I'd be happy." and a few hours later we were flying over Canada and I thought, "wow isn't this beautiful!"

This brings to mind suicide. I was in my teens and 20's suicidal, I will fully admit. This was a hard thing to admit to, and even harder to live with. It wasn't a constant thing, rather for anyone who has suffered from depression and sadness, it's more often than not associated with a moment of absolute manic.

Queue Chris at 35 years old sitting at a computer working on edits, I heard the most eye opening phrase that hit me like a ton of bricks..."You always commit suicide too late." Emil Cioran -- Now before you jump on my case, suicide isn't always just a physical thing. How many people commit mental suicide every day because they live in a world they hate?

Causation is not correlation. So I posit, if you wait an hour, a few hours, sleep it off, everything can change.

Maybe this is wishful thinking, but life is for living, not for being sad, depressed, angry, etc. Remember "you always commit suicide too late."

We live in a society full of potential, and it's really damn hard to rise up like the phoenix when you're feeling the weight of the sky on your shoulders. Fun little fact, Atlas wasn't carrying the weight of the world, he was holding up the sky.

And finally, why do we wish people to "rest in peace." I'd like to think that when my day comes, there's a party in the afterlife, there's some joy in "damn, I got survived the video game! And I leveled up! Hit 'start' to continue!"